bum computer and so much to say...

No internet service so at the "internet express" counter in the library. This will not suffice but it will have to do for now. I have ten minutes.

Yesterday was fabulous. Really. I needed a great day and it happened. Why? Well it could have been the six children who were absent. MC., A., S., J. ... heavy hitters... and three more. Oh, it was so peaceful! So blissful!!! No complaining, no fighting, no whining - work work work, it was everywhere, even though I was barely available because I was doing individual reading assessments (and what a pain in the ass that is. Teach, parole, counsel, notate, AND do individual reading assessment tests. It's a blast.) So I can't say enough about yesterday. 19 children. I loved my job yesterday.

Today? They were all back. And MC. was running down the stair, pulling a lollipop out of his pocket and threatening to eat it despite my thousand "no's", ran from me when I tried to take it, I mean, when the hell is this kid gonna be in a class that suits him?

AD, , brilliant boy, brilliant questions he asks, and so manipulative and defiant... Five phonecalls later and I finally talked to his mother this afternoon, to tell her he could not come on the field trip with us tomorrow. Crossed too many lines, too many warnings. She said he's an ODD suspect and I wish it just meant odd, but it's that oppositional defiant disorder. And yeah, tell the kid stop and he goes, work and he plays, I mean while he looks you right in the eye. If he weren't so brilliant it might not seem to matter as much but the boy is SO smart and SO talented and I just don't get it. Total emotional meltdowns going on at home; dad leaving, staying, leaving, staying, home, gone, home, gone...

Oh, I just stand here over the library computer that I have about 5 minutes left on and SIGH. Big freaking sigh. And a rather satisfying one, I'd have to say, having just spent an hour at the gym. Hoping it helps my sleep.

But there is other news. The sexual perp nasty crap that happened a couple weeks ago - T., my dear 3rd grade T. who came to school a little late and was asked by some stranger if she wanted to see something, and that she did. But if you scroll back for a review, you'll see my agony that day when she told me, and I reported it, and an interrogation of sorts ensued, a male cop grilling her in a small room with a completely insensitive counselor. This counselor told me she "kept changing her story and they think she just made the whole thing up." I fumed. "I know this girl," I said. "she is NOT lying."

Well. I'd heard the rumor yesterday, but today my principal called me to her office to talk to me about this incident and they'd reviewed the security tape. Not only was the guy exposing himself, but he was masturbating. Beautiful.

And, it seems he was back, or another guy? a couple days ago. This was reported as well but the next day parents stormed the office because despite this report, there was no security at the door the next morning.
Typical. What can I say.

If this isn't enough, there was another incident yesterday that isn't quite clear to me, but apparently a couple children "found" a gun. A BB gun mind you, but a big one. A child picked it up and pointed it at a security guard. He was suspended, of course.

Suspended. Whatever.

Last year and two years before that we had a Montessori Mentor who was also in training for administration. She was a master of non-violent communication, and had the presence of a sage. She had an automatic calming affect on everyone, and when concerns were expressed to her, you knew they were going to be addressed and handled. When there was a crisis, she was there. All of her. Her entire being was present and these children, no matter what the crisis was, were respected and honored as human beings.

She was my rock. As long as she was in the building, I could breathe. Everyone could breathe.
However, she took over an asst. principal position sometime toward the end of last year, and was not offered a position again for the fall. I have my suspicions about this, for peace is power, and other people of power are easily threatened by such humane and divine power such as she possessed. It broke her heart into ten thousand pieces and shocked everyone, I mean everyone, in the building (except, perhaps, administration).

She wasn't just my rock, but she was the rock. She was the foundation. She's gone, and the foundation is crumbling so fast into little bits. There might be some teachers that thrive on this kind of challenge, and what is true is that there is a greater satisfaction in touching the life of a child from this neighborhood than that of a typical suburban peachy neighborhood, but I haven't heard one who isn't burnt out and it's only October. And I know of several who have no interest in coming back next year.

It's a rollercoaster. It's madness.

But then there is B. and BE., two girls in my class, and I. and J., a couple boys, who rarely fail to tell me at some point in the day "I love you, Ms. Lowe."

So what is one to do? What is one to do?

The librarian must be glaring at me by now.
Field trip tomorrow. Should be interesting. Hopefully the home computer will be back to status quo and I'll get to tell you all about it. MC. and AD. are not going. And maybe I should have left a couple others behind as well due to behaviors, but I want to believe they can rise up. I do believe they can rise up. Which I suppose is why at least for this year, I haven't left yet.