Friday night... three weeks in.

I didn't plan for the week this week... New York visit, got back way later than I should have, writing group Monday and open house Wednesday... planned by the day the night before, went pretty well, but last night just slacked. Thought I'd get up early but this cold is creeping back and I was plastered to the bed that extra half hour and then had to run. Started the day winging it. Which I did sometimes last year, but not til the end of the year where the kids were pretty self sufficient. Today? Disaster.

Just chaotic and unsettled and unstructured... very bad formula. I gathered them together and admitted to the kids that I didn't have a plan and felt responsible for it being a hard day for everyone... I. kept saying "That's alright, Ms. Lowe. It's not your fault. It's alright." (God I love that kid).

MC. sped ell boy was off the wall, of course, again. He told my para that he "hears voices that tell him to do stuff" ...
He is beautiful and brown with these gorgeous cheeks, and he comes up to me with lightning espanol even though he knows I don't know what the hell he is saying ... sometimes I just look at him and say "escaboomboomwallamoo?" He shakes his head and I giggle.

I am loving him - I mean, he's a PAIN IN MY ASS and then he'll turn around and flash a grin and a cock of the head and I want to just hang out with him, learn some spanish, check him out, find out what he's about. But the running out of the room, "el banyo" - the kid goes to the bathroom every ten minutes without permission, just runs. In the classroom he lays on the floor, rolls around. He sits at tables with other children and rambles to them (most understand) and makes faces. He is so jolly, but does not know one letter sound, ran away from me when I showed him math work. He insists that he should be first on line, every single time, and cuts in front of whoever is first, refusing to move. And then, as the leader, he is 20 steps ahead of every one else. He is harmless, but he is not learning a damn thing, is completely disruptive, and my para or I do nothing but chase him around. We actually take turns. It's insanity.

The sped person evaluation team whatever the title is told me that he's up for evaluation, but not until after Oct. 26. "Are you kidding me?" I ask.
So the chasing will go on for another six weeks, at least. Great.

J. is a first grader. ADD diagnosed. Yesterday at the pick up entrance he was on his fathers shoulders when he hacked a spit wad on a girl that was "bugging him." Totally impulsive, whizzes across the room like a ping pong ball, but also has periods of sitting and doing work. His mom came to open house and gave me the story. His doctor called me yesterday to ask me of how he is in the classroom, and that his mom will be bringing me some forms to fill out. His parents would do anything for him. He was on medication, but not anymore and they want to try and keep him off it.

So I called her today after school to check in.

She was so thankful, so happy I called - "I know how busy you are" she said - and it only took a few minutes to say I'm aware of the behaviors, I'm tracking him, I talked to his doctor, we're in this as a team for him - and though taking on MORE STUFF ... extra forms and extra meetings and extra extra on top of the million other extras of this job... it scares me, and it feels good.

I wanted to call MD's mom, my crazy girl. She is a ticking bomb, all the time, screams out of nowhere, makes noises, starts trouble, my God, all the time. Today she was saying "(name of student from other class) called me a SLUT. She called me a SLUT."
"MD, stop. I heard you."
"Yeah, but she called me a SLUT." ...
knowing full well how that word gets a rise... knowing full well that her volume was deliberate...

And I couldn't get through to her mother.

The other mother I called was S's; the one who's mother I struck into silence when I told her flat out her kid doesn't care for authority and doesn't follow instructions. I guess maybe I felt a little bad so I've been trying to hook him into work more lately - and today he read "Danny the Dinosaur" and then did a research report about dinosaurs and the earth. He told me "I've decided I'm going to be good, teacher." I told her about this, and about how proud I was of the work he did today.

But I was also at work til nearly 6. On a Friday. Having arrived before 8. And I could have been there for hours and hours... I mean the work is just never done... and I haven't even thought about lesson plans for next week, yet. I was filing and sorting and putting sticky notes on what needs laminating, what needs copying, what needs to go to the office. I have behavior evals to fill out this weekend, I have projects to create, I have name cards to make.

And I sit here and sneeze, that real hard kind of sneeze where when it's done my nose is filled with snot and my throat instantly hurts.

Ug.

My friend teaches in a private Montessori school in Seattle. The children in her class, the calm, the vibe... it all sounds so fun, so easy, so blissful. I know it's work no matter what, I know it's hard no matter what. Teaching is just hard. But to be in a school with so few behavior problems, with classroom budgets and with WALLS for goodness sakes... Wow. I'm so envious. I mean to just go in and teach. What was that like again? I can't really remember.

TGIF. As my kids say, "I'm out."